Tomorrow's Wednesday

I'm tired of being alone.

Yesterday was Wednesday and I walked 10 miles. I walked as far as I could along the side of the road till my head and feet were swollen and tired. When I was little I constantly dreamt of running away and showing the world how much it would miss me. I have never outgrown the need to be needed. Yesterday was Wednesday and I was trying to run away.

Somewhere along the side of the road I knew that I wasn't an adult and that no one took me seriously because they shouldn't. I still run away, I still day dream, I still want to die and go to heaven, I still dress up when I'm alone, I still cry about boys who have forgotten all about me, I still want God to be a good person and I think that somehow love will save the world. I walked to an abandoned golf course and rolled around in the dry grass. I had a moment where everything was perfectly clear and then I forgot what everything was. So I sat at the golf course and decided that the golf course would be my home and that no one could make me leave. And perhaps that if I stayed there long enough someone would find me like I found the golf course and know that I was their home.

Today is Thursday and I am wiping tables and making hot chocolates. The significance of yesterday seems stupid and no one would understand.

-B